This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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