I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
