Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
