Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
