Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
