my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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