just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
