yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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