I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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