Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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