she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
