If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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