I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
