I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
