my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
