and she was petting her beer can
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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