I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
