I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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