it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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