she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
