Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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