You're so nebulous sometimes
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
