What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
