id be glad to
I cannot find my penis.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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