How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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