Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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