"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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