Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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