Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he fucked my hip out of place.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
