Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
