I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Someone shattered a urinal.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
my poor anus
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
