its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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