I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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