I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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