today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
