I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
