The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I touched a dick in church today
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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