i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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