How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
