I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize