I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
