i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
