The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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