Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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