if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
