I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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