i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
