cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
