Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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