I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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