and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We need to get me chipped asap
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
