So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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