Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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