Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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