So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
