tell your sister to shave her snatch
what day is it and did you see me today?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
