there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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