Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
